Let's start all over again

I feel very tired these 2 days. Yeah, since yesterday. It was both mentally and physically.
Is it that I am really tired? or It is just that I feel tired? Sometimes, I was wondering whether this thing is real or not.

Then, today after coming back from the forum, plan to rest for a while, then go cakkavala, but overslept. SO, here am I, blogging instead of going cakkavala. haha.
Anyway, I figure out that sleeping sometimes is not very effective. I've slept for 1 hour plus, but when I get up, I still feel tired. After that I do some meditation, and I can feel that my body is rejuvenating. So, the conclusion is mind is the leader, the source. If the mind is fresh, strong, and wholesome, it is going to influence the body as well.

A lot of times, we are mentally tired rather than physically tired. However, mentally fatigue also may cause bodily fatigue. THus, we may feel very very tired. SO, if we try to rest our body, relax our body, that might not be enough. If it is really only bodily fatigue, normal rest is enough, but if the real source is mental one, then it is not enough. Thus, we need to be clear with ourselves, and then can use a correct method to deal with it. Nevertheless, I think that meditation can cure both mental and physical fatigue. And not only that, It can help rejuvenate and give energy as well. Especially when the five Jhana factor arise (piti, sukha, etc). Thus, if we are very tired, meditate! (:

Then, I also contemplate a lot today. You see, we always try to do something, to maximize our usage of time, and to maximize utility. But, at the end of the day, what really matter? What is the real essential thing?
A lot of times, we are so busy with something that we never really check whether the things that we are doing is a right one or not. Then, time simply flies, and one day we wake up, knowing that all we have been doing is not the essential thing that we should have been doing.

So, I decide to start all over again. To start my life as a new person. My purpose of life is still the same, and yeah, a purpose is very important. If we don;t have any direction, we may lose our way. ANd choosing a right purpose is also very important. Make sure that it is something wholesome and worthwhile to be pursued. As for me, spiritual purpose come first. I feel that this is the most important thing I have to do, and that this is the most essential things, most important mission in my life. ANd not easy as well.
Furthermore, there is something unique in pursuing such kind of purpose. You see, normal worldy purpose, let say getting rich and famous, or to be more specific, wiining a noble price and having net worth of 100 millions dollars. In the process of pursuing it, life might be great, especially when we think of how great it will be after we achieve those. But, a lot of times, after we get them, the satisfaction is very short, then after that, there will be blank phase. Life suddenly seems reach it end, and there seems to be nothing else to be done. Then, we seek other purpose again, so to give meaning to life again. Of course, this might not applied to every purpose, (if your purpose is to help others, to eradicate corruption, then such things will hardly end, so this is a different case). But, a spiritual purpose, like in the Buddha's teaching one, is the cessation of the desire itself. So, i think that this is very cool. Though I haven't able to fully comprehend it.

But we are still lay man, so we also should now our position in this life, and do our duty. SO, it is best to have a few purpose of life, and include one spiritual purpose in it. With this, life may become more meaningful.

May all beings be well, happy and peaceful!