January random thoughts

Undoubtedly, US is the most innovative country in the world currently. Why is it so?

From what I've observed and told by my professors, especially one from TR class, the reason is:

• Think out of the box
• Conducive ecosystems
• Not afraid of failure
• Culture that somewhat encourage innovation
• Failure are welcome

Out of all, one key points that are stressed many many times are the courage to act despite failure, the just do it attitude. In contrast to Asian culture, whereby failure is being avoided, and hence people tend to take the safest path. And that's exactly why we are losing behind, in terms of creativity and innovations.

And as a student, I am concern. What I see here is people are studying for exams, to get that "A" and that's it. People are learning for the sake of the grade!

Reframing: Seeing Things From Different Angles

Things happens, people say something to us, national disaster occurs almost every month. All of these external things, we couldn't control.

However, we could control the frame from which we look at it and hence, what it means to us. This frame is like glasses, from which we look at the world. For example, if we wear green color glasses and normal glasses, we will see the world differently, different color, and different feel. The world is still they way it is, but our glasses change, our frame change.

Mastering the art of reframing will give us a lot of benefit. We could be the master of our own mind, and be in control of what's happening around. We will be more stable, and not so easily shaken by the outer world.

Here are some tips on how to reframe:

• Look at the positive side of things. Ask, what's good about this, what's great about this? The classic example will be half empty vs half full glass. Same thing, different angle.
  
• If people say nasty things to us. Replay it in our heads, change his voice, make it calmer, more tender, slower. Imagine he said it in such a caring and loving way. Or, we could also ask, what could've happen to him today that cause his mind to be so agitated. Instead of being angry to that person, we will start to pity that person, and compassionate heart will grow.
• React with the things happening with : That's great. Then follow by some benefits that we could derive from the situations. For example, an annoying sales person is approaching us, we could say: That's great. I have the chance to develop my patience now. or, That's great. I'll be able to test my patience now.
  

Life is not a race!

I woke up this morning (actually just about 10 minutes ago) and I suddenly got this realization: life is not a race. Yes, life is a journey, a personal journey. If so, then why are we getting ourselves into the race with others? I realize that we tend to race with others, see who can graduate faster, get better grades, get higher jobs (and get it faster), more successful, who has boyfriend/girlfriend first, who get married first, child more successful than your child, and so forth... The list will never end.. Even sometimes to trivial matter like I'm taller, his nose is smaller, her mouth is sexier, etc.

When I then adopt the metaphor "life is not a race", I'm suddenly free from all these. My body and mind become more relaxed and I feel so free. Yeah, Life is a personal journey, with ourselves as the main producer, creator, and actor. If we do something because others told us to do so, or so we will looked good, it is still ourselves that do it, and it is our "choice" to do so. After all, Life is a choice, and whether we follow ourselves or others, we make our own choice! All of our actions than, will have consequences that we have to bear, not others. Like the Buddha said," We are the owner of our own Kamma". So, we choose our actions, and we will face all the consequences ourselves too.

Now, having realized that life is a personal journey, the next question to ask ourselves is, where do you want this journey to end? Whether we want it or not, life will end. It could be 80 years from now, 50 years, 40 years, 20, 10 years, 1 year, 8 months, 8 weeks, anytime. Life doesn't send us a postcard telling us our time left is this world is this years and this months. No. Nevertheless, we could devise the ending and walk towards that direction. And of course, the journey itself matter as well.
So think about it, how do you want your ending like? How do you want your journey like?

Precise communication skills

In our daily conversations, it's not rare that we tend to over-generalized for almost everything. We or we heard people say that kids nowadays are behaving badly, they are bad, economies are bad, and so on and so forth.

Within ourselves, we may also find we have a lot of generalized self talk such as I'm no good, I'm loser, I always fail, I can't get it right, I will never make it, and so on...

Has it ever occurred to you?

In this post, I would like to share simple ways to have a precise communication. I learn this from Tony Robbins (I've been reading his book whole days and learned a lot)


First, lay down you fingers, and memorize this from the left hand (LH) pinky finger to right hand (RH) pinky.

• LH pinky : All? Every? Never?
  
• LH ring finger : What would happen if you did? What causes or prevents
  
• LH Middle finger : How spesifically
  
• LH index finder : Who specifically? What specifically?
  
• LH thumb : Compare to what?
  

• RH pinky : Universals
  
• RH ring finger : Should, shouldn't must, can't
  
• RH middle finger : Verbs
  
• RH index finder: Nouns
  
• RH thumb: Too much, too many, too expensive, too hard

Examples:

1. Nowadays, all kids are bad.
2. All?

1. It's too hard. I can't do it.
2. What would happen if you did? What prevents you from doing it?

1. I feel terrible.
2. How specifically? What specifically is causing you to feel that way?

1. They don't understand me.
2. Who?

1. It's too expensive.
2. Compare to what?

Metaprograms (NLP): The human software

In the simplest form, metaprograms are our inner internal programs or functions that we use in deciding how and what we pay attention to. It is something like inner filter on how we see and evaluate things around us.
There are many kinds of metaprograms:

1. Moving towards or moving away.

• Moving away (aversion): to avoid pain, may read a book to look good (to avoid looked stupid). if you don't study, you won't get a good job
  
• Moving towards (greed): to gain pleasure. read book for the contents (benefits), if you study, you could get to any job you want.
  
• To know, ask what they want in a relationship (check whether they tell u want they want or what they don't want more)
  

2. External or internal frames of reference.

• Internal: the reference comes from inside, inner metrics. Can be convinced by saying: you are the only who knows. You know it yourself better, you are the only one who can convince you.
  
• External: the reference comes from outside, from others reactions, others behaviors, what they say. Can be convinced by using social proof, what other say or feel, testimonials, etc.
  
• To know: ask how one know he's done a good job
  

3. Sorting by self or sorting by others.

• By self: What's in it for me? only interested on self
  
• By others: What it could do for me and others? interested in others
• To know, ask random questions maybe ask about work experience, what's important, why, and see if that person is paying attention while you are asking, and if he is interested in your response, or only in his.
  

4. Matchers and mismatchers

• Find sameness (mathcers): look at things and see what they have in common. Want the same thing over and over again, suitable for repetitive kind of jobs
  
• Find sameness with exception: find the common then find what is different.
  
• Find difference (mismathcers): always see how things are different, things are not alike at all, suitable for jobs that keep on changing. If there's a disagreement, one of the trick is to say there's no solution here (then he will find the opposite).
  
• Find difference with exception: see the difference first, then see something in common.
• To know, ask what's the relationship between 2 or 3 related things.
  

5. What it takes to convince someone of something.

• Immediate: show it once and you are set
  
• a number of times: maybe two or more times
  
• Over a period of time: over a week, a month, or a year
  
• Consistently: over time, must be demonstrated on all occasions.
  
• To know, ask how do you know when someone else is good at a job? Do you have to see them do it, hear about how good they are, do it with them, read about them?
  

6. Possibility or necessity

• Necessity: do something because they have to, get by with what comes and is available, may welcome constant jobs.
  
• Possibility: Looking for varieties and what is possible. Motivated more by what they want to do than what they have to do.
• To know: ask why he works on that company, or why he bought that car.
  

7. Working stlye.

• Independent: work on their own, feel uneasy in a group setting, prefer to do things on his own way
  
• Cooperative: prefer to share responsibility and to be in a group
• Proximity: somewhere in between, want to be part of a team but work alone

8. Sort by feelings or thoughts

9. Make decision by facts or figures, or idea and concepts. (details vs big pictures)

10. Turn on by beginnings, or completion.

11. Compare by price or values

and the list continues...
What's yours?


Sources: Tony Robbins, Unlimited Power.

How to develop rapport with anyone

I. Finding a common grounds

The easiest way to build a rapport with anyone is to find common believes, interest, passion between that person and us. We could start by asking what his interest or hobbies is. Or, where he studied, what major, what course. Or, what club does he belong to, and so forth. The idea is to find something that both of us have in common. The moment we could find some common ground, the ice will start to break and the rapport will start to come into form.

II. Mirroring: Voice, Tonality, Physiology, Body Language.

Research has shown that contents or words only consist of 7% of the communication. Voice consist of 38% and body language 55%. This means that we could build the rapport faster by start emulating his pattern of voice, tonality, body language, breath pattern, and so on.
In addition, we could observe whether that person is visual, kinesthetic or auditory and then adjust accordingly.

III. Listening: Active and Truly listening.

Being there fully for the person.
A lot of time, our physical body is there, but our mind is not. We are thinking of what we are going to do tonight, tomorrow, day after, etc. Or, we hear what they say, but we don't really listen. Instead, we try to find the timing where we can rebut his statements, and when he is speaking, we think of what we are going to say next.
Remember: "That other person is the most important person right now". Give the utmost attention and interest on that person, on what he's got to say, on his ideas and so. In addition, you can also express sign of agreement, understanding.


IV. Radiant Mind: Loving Kindness and Compassion

Before the interaction, wish that person to be well and happy. Spread your loving kindness to the surroundings and especially to that person.
Some simple verses:
May he be well and happy
May he be free from enmity and danger
May he be free from mental and physical suffering
May be be truly happy

When we start the interaction with the right, wholesome mind, things will most likely go smoothly. With loving kindness, our heart become calmer and more peaceful, and it helps us to be truly there for the person, to be able to be truly present.

Exams...

Oh.. Exams coming soon.. Tomorrow will be my first paper, and next Tuesday will be the last.
Oh yeah, one more week to go! He he

Meanwhile, I'll have to focus on my study. Have been studying pretty hard for the past weeks. It seems that I study the best when I enjoy the subject. Whenever I enjoy, the mind is happy. Then, energy will arise, and effort will be effortless.

Keeping the mind relax and fresh is also very important. Have been sleeping for a lot this past weeks, and meditate for a bit. Meditation keeps the mind sane, and give the heart enough energy to maintain the concentration..

Ok. go back to study now...